College application essays sure to get you noticed
October 15, 2009 • Tyler Cundiff
Filed under Lighter Side
Hello ‘Iolani! Welcome to the 2009-10 school year! don’t worry, I’m not going to sit here and write some panegyric on how happy we all are to be back in school because we all know that’s total flapdoodle. Already our hallowed halls of learning are ringing with screams of anguish and yet another set of oddly timed bell calls. However, we complaining underclassmen should consider ourselves lucky to be avoiding an exclusively senior-targeted form of torture: the college application essay. All you early admissions people are probably already frantically compiling your applications, so I’ve decided to help out. Knowing how crucial and difficult it is to whip up that magnificent title for one’s beautiful essay, I have compiled a list of foolproof, ready-made titles guaranteed to catch the eye of that college admissions dean. (Editor’s note: Please do NOT actually use these titles in case you were thinking about it.)
- I Assume You Like Having Two Working Kneecaps
- Thank God You Didn’t Ask Me To Take A Drug Test
- Lessons I learned from My Cellmate
- The Kid I Paid to Write This Essay Forgot to Title It
- ADHD: My Intensely Personal Battle Wi… HEY LOOK A BIRD!!!
- Instead of an Essay, Here’s a Photocopy of My Butt
- Some Dirty Joke I Found on the Internet
- How AA Helped Me Find Myself
- Why You Should Overlook My Tiny, Insignificant Criminal Record
- C’s=A’s: My High School’s Complex Grading System
Loading ...
